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A Texas Two Step

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Election season is good for a few laughs
By SHEILAH PEPPER
The Gazette Staff
It's the crazy season and it always provides a few good laughs.
Conservative Democrats are running away from Obama, so here's the redoubtable William Jefferson Clinton out on the campaign trail as proxy for the president.
Commenting on the Tea Party candidates, he said, " ... of course they got the wrestling federation lady in Connecticut and the witchcraft lady in Delaware, and, I tell you, so far they've gathered up about everybody for this Tea Party but the Mad Hatter and Alice In Wonderland."
I wonder about the wisdom of Slick Willy making any comments about any women. But there it is. The wrestling federation lady, Linda McMahon, has her opponent, Connecticut Attorney General Blumenthal in a head lock and she has pulled even in the polls.
The "witchcraft" lady in Delaware, Christine O'Donnell, is opposed by Democrat Chris Coons, who in college was self-described as a "bearded Marxist." Oddly, according to columnist Bob Tyrell writing for the Jewish World Review, Coons studied for his Masters in Religion at the Yale School of Divinity. Among the things covered were feminist/gender studies, Black Liberation Theology, and, you guessed it - witchcraft!
Note to Mr. Clinton: Following an unsuccessful run for the California State Senate, a man named Dick Tuck said, "The people have spoken - the bast-s!"
In Florida, Congressman Alan Grayson, known for insane remarks, labeled his GOP opponent, Daniel Webster (great name) as "Taliban Dan" after taking one of Webster's remarks about how men should treat their wives totally out of context.
The Webster campaign responded and the ad appears to have backfired badly on the Grayson camp. The Taliban insult was over the top, even for someone like Grayson. (Hopefully, there is no one like Grayson.) He said on the floor of the U.S. House last spring that the Republican health care plan consisted of two words, "Die quickly!" He once remarked in an interview that people should know they only have three friends in life, "God, your mama, and the Democrat Party."
Off the campaign trail, the National Association of Women (NOW) announced it is sending Sen. Alan Simpson 1,500 baby bottle nipples, with a note that says "T- for an Ass." (These women are not known for the quality of their speech.)
Last month, Sen. Simpson famously wrote an e-mail to the leader of a senior women's group dubbing Social Security a "milk cow with 300 million tits." I'm surprised that NOW has enough cash in its coffers to buy 1,500 plastic nipples.
The new head of NASA is now fulfilling a priority handed him by President Obama, by visiting Saudi Arabia for a science conference. He was tasked with helping to make Muslims feel better about their contributions to math and science. How are our public schools doing in that area? Not well it seems. And whatever happened to reaching for the stars? NASA is now a PR agency.
On a related note, if you have seen an alien lately, the United Nations can now help you to communicate with said alien.
Mazlan Othman, a Malaysian astrophysicist, has been appointed the U.N. "designated liaison" to space aliens. It's unclear whether she will be helping aliens to contact earth or whether she will be helping you to speak with the aliens in your back yard. (I am NOT making this up.)
Breaking news - correction: According to the British press, the story above about Ms. Othman, while it got a lot of play over here, is NOT true.
Well, that doesn't make me feel better. Now I'll have to figure out how to communicate with the aliens in my back yard all by myself.
Copyright©2010SheilahPepper