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A Dash of Pepper

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Reclaiming our party
from the Tea Party buffoons
By Poindexter T. Randolph IV
Guest columnist Ladies and gentlemen, first of all thank you to The Gazette and Ms. Pepper for allowing me to use this space today.
Excuse me if my scribblings ramble somewhat - I am still in a state of shock due to the Delaware primary result. However, I feel I must raise a red flag of warning: our Grand Old Party is in danger of being usurped by a ragtag clutch of rubes, infesting our primaries across the nation. Imagine my horror, as I was being driven through the capitol one day and suddenly, my Rolls was surrounded and smudged by hordes bearing signs that said things such as "Don't Tread On Me." Who are these beings? Where do they come from? They obviously have no sense of decorum whatever.
First, that Angle woman in Nevada elbowed out a perfectly acceptable establishment candidate and has the effrontery to think she can oust Senator Reid! Then that Haley woman in North Carolina edged out our candidate in the primary for the governorship. What were the voters thinking?
Now, we have this little Palin clone in Delaware, Ms. O'Donnell, crowing about limited government, an archaic concept, taking Mike Castle out of the primary. Mike knew how to vote in the Senate. He even backed the cap and trade bill - thankfully, as I have substantial investments in the carbon emissions scheme, ah, proposal.
How will the Tea Party riff-raff, if they get into the club, vote on cap and trade? They drive pickup trucks, for Heaven's Sake.
Mike was the chosen inheritor of Sen. Biden's seat, not this pipsqueak female Tea Partier. She has no experience in government whatever. We could actually end up here with citizen legislators! These people might even vote for term limits. They don't seem to understand that there are those who are destined to rule - that is their prerogative. These small people do not understand that a certain balance must be struck. They shriek about spending so it is obvious that they are unable to grasp the finer nuances of Keynesian economics.
We cannot let this continue. Imagine a House, and even worse, a Senate, packed with Barbies and Kens, housewives, plumbers, and computer salesmen. Not one of them would know, for example, how to behave at Sally Quinn's soirees. They likely do not even know which fork to use. I doubt there is one who can read a menu or knows the difference between Escargots a la Bourgignone and Truite a l'Almondine. It is all so embarrassing.
It gets worse. This person Joe Miller, stole Lisa Murkowski's seat in Alaska when the Palin woman and the Tea Party ding-dongs jumped in. But Lisa is brave. She will not go quietly into that dark night. Her write-in campaign will hopefully siphon enough votes from Mr. Miller to give the Democrat a win. Don't worry - he will vote the same way Lisa voted.
My wife, Buffy, who knows about such things, told me Ms. O'Donnell's hairstyle is "hopelessly 1970s." I worry though, that in Delaware, the mobs may be so confused and angry that they won't care about hairstyles ...
Therefore, I am announcing that I am going to devote a substantial portion of my inherited fortune to establish a PAC which will be devoted to stopping these Tea Partiers now and in all future contests.
We simply cannot have a group that is led by a woman who says things like "You betcha" running this country.
Copyright©2010SheilahPepper