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Beautiful Creatures

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Yes Dear
By Greg Demko
This is a term I was instructed to use to keep peace in my life. "Yes dear" has a very soothing sound to it. It has saved me many times from over reacting and saying something I might regret. Lately, when I say or think "Yes dear", it comes out, "Yes deer". I have come to the realization that nothing is sacred anymore. I am having a hard time understanding how these beautiful creatures have divided our community so rapidly.
It's amazing how crazy neighbors are reacting to the new deer restrictions. First off, the deer were here first. If any restrictions should be imposed, we should be limiting the number of humans in the area instead of the deer. If the deer herds increase, someone should have to move out of the area to balance the ratio. If there are no volunteers, names will be drawn and those people will be shot with a tranquilizer gun, relocated, or killed; with their body parts donated to local hospitals.
Moving to this beautiful community with all its tranquil amenities is unique. The deer are at the top of my tranquil amenities list. I know the deer are not going to be eliminated, just thinned out. Well, now we start by not feeding the little critters. You get fined one hundred fifty dollars if caught feeding them.
Hey, how extensive is this new mandate? Let's break this down. No feeding the deer. What is deer food? Sounds like we are being told not to put anything out around our houses that the deer like to eat.
Now all our neighbors, who have developed relationship and have even named these four legged critters, for over a decade, will have to break their ties with them. How about taking the pets away from these deer haters; so they feel the loss too. Better yet, fine the people deliberately breaking the feeding rule by planting eatable (deer food) foliage in their yards. These blooming attractive food sources are screaming, "eat me", so why aren't they fined.
And even better yet, what's with the new guideline restricting bird feeder to be seven feet or higher. When is the next guideline coming out restricting all people less than six feet high to move out of Holly Lake Ranch? You might as well move out. Because you darn sure can't fill these seven foot feeders anyway. Oh yea, while we're putting height restrictions on things, lets add, any plants added must be at least seven feet tall. By gosh, that will detour the deer from eating them. Sorry again to all those people who are six foot or shorter gardeners.
And what about those poor geese on the 12th hole? Parents and the kids, residents and guest, stop by each morning dropping tons of assorted goodies for our homesteading feathery friends. Well, many a day the geese move aside and the deer eat all the goodies. So, now who gets fined? The parents, the kids, the guest, or the geese?
Maybe, just maybe, there is a little too much overreacting to a new situations and it is affecting the wrong people. Sometimes it's better to just move slower and study all the effects on everyone involved. It's more fun to live among agreeable people. Just say, "yes deer", oops, I mean yes dear!